With Professor Onyx now spoiled three days ahead of when we thought spoilers were coming, and also by non-other than the legendary Danny Trejo, we have lots of things to potentially write about.
We were initially going to write about how the new Planeswalker felt a bit Grixis despite being mono-black, but that was before we realized this wasn’t a new walker at all, but Liliana in a fancy outfit.
That got us thinking about the other potential staff members at Strixhaven: School of Mages, and well…
The Strixhaven staff members we want to see
It’s safe to assume that dear old Professor Onyx, Liliana, will be responsible for Necromancy. Maybe she’s in charge of skincare routines given how old she is and how young she looks, but we’d imagine it’ll be focussed on unlife.
With that in mind, feast your eyes on the rest of the staff of Strixhaven (in our fanfic, this isn’t official, don’t take it as such).
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Doctor Ruby: Pyromancer Teacher – Chandra
Doctor Ruby can be a little angsty, and she definitely has a thing for Professor Emerald, even though she keeps accidentally setting fire to the herb room by accident. Well, it seems like it’s by accident, but then both of them run out giggling a little bit later. Obviously, Chandra has to teach Pyromancy, but honestly, things get sillier from here on.
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King of Beasts: Groundskeeper – Garruk
The groundskeeper is a little grizzly, to say the least, and he seems to be unreasonably fixated on trying to get near the Necromancy wing when he’s not looking after the herds that roam the school grounds. We’re not 100% sure it’s safe to have him lumbering around Strixhaven, but we’re also not 100% sure it’d be safe without Garruk either.
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Mr Bellue: Psychiatrist – Jace
Suppose you’re struggling to adjust to this strange new school and its peculiar rules, then why not pop along to visit Mr Bell, everyone’s favorite counsellor. Jace is a great psychiatrist, despite not being fully qualified, because this man has got a lot of trauma locked away in his memories, and nobody can empathise as well as though who’ve at one point become a pirate thanks to a case of amnesia and then fought off dinosaurs.
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White Fury: Head of Physical Education – Ajani
The old PE teacher disappeared a while ago, and nobody has heard from Gideon since, but it’s alright, because he was almost immediately replaced with Ajani, who is, in fact, hench. While there aren’t many who can keep up with White Fury, everyone respects him, especially because you can always get out of PE if you just bring a laser pen.
Lord Purple: Magical Chemistry Lead – Ral Zarek
Chemistry is always good fun because you basically spend a lot of time setting things on fire and seeing what color they end up as they burn. Well, Lord Purple, otherwise known as Ral Zarek, has a slightly different approach and, instead of using a bunsen burner, prefers to use lightning strikes to set things aflame. The results are a little more chaotic, but it’s nearly always a good time.
Doctor Murk: Robotics Lab Tech – Tezzeret
Robotics isn’t a big class at Strixhaven: School of Mages, and it’s mostly because the teacher always seems to be tinkering with things to rip open new dimensions and fiddling with his arm. It’s all a bit weird, but you can’t deny that Tezzeret does good work when he’s not trying to open up portals or destroy reality.
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Saint Seethrough: Religious Education – Ugin
If you can shoot fire out of your hands, raise the dead, and make yourself invulnerable, would you really turn to religion? Well, theoretically, yes, at least that’s true as far as Saint Seethrough Ugin is concerned. While they’re not concerned with the idea of God as such, they do like to talk about morality and try and guide students down a path. We say a path instead of a good path, because they’re more than a little confusing, so who knows if it’s a good path or not?
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Professor Emerald: Head of Botanical Education – Nissa
When Professor Emerald isn’t sneaking around with Chandra giggling and looking for snacks, they can be found tending to flowers, trees, bushes, and the ground. It’s an impressive skill set for sure, and while some do call her a tree hugger, the staff have fond memories of the last staff party when one of the teachers got a little too drunk and got slapped by a tree as a result.
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Archaeologist Luna: History Teacher – Tamiyo
If you want to learn about where we’re going, it’s good to keep an eye on where we’ve been. Of course, not all of us have been on the moon, or wherever it is that Tamiyo dreams about midway through giving lectures. Either way, though, her classes are always cool because she likes using magic to make her points, and that’s a lot more interesting than just reading books.
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Horned Leader: Headteacher – Nicol Bolas
Finally, while everyone is absolutely convinced that the headteacher is evil and trying to raise an army, the members of the board of Strixhaven: School of Mages like that he brings in a lot of money and gets results, so nothing ever changes. It’s no surprise that Nicol Bolas is in charge, but it does make the architecture of the buildings a little warped as a result.