Personally, I absolutely love the mini-spoiler seasons that Alchemy sets get. Honestly, I might even enjoy them more than main-set spoilers. Seeing what the MTG Arena design team can come up with is always a real treat, especially when things get weird. As much as I love them, however, I understand not everyone loves Alchemy spoilers.
Thanks to their tendency to warp formats like Historic, Timeless, and Brawl, it’s no wonder that digital-exclusive Alchemy cards aren’t beloved. Not only can they be weird, but sometimes their exclusivity rubs players the wrong way. That certainly seems to be the case for Mitotic Ultimus, at least, which is so nearly paper-playable.
Mitotic Ultimus
As the title teases, yes, technically Mitotic Ultimus is technically an 8/8 for just two mana. In fact, they’re a lot better than that, since they’re not just raw stats. Before we get there, however, you do have to jump through some hoops to bring Mitotic Ultimus’ cost down. Sadly, achieving this feat is easier said than done.
To get Mitotic Ultimus to just two mana, you need a creature with seven power, at least, on the board. Currently, in Alchemy, the cheapest way to do that is with The Ancient One. While this could give you turn three Ultimus, getting the mana for it is tricky. You’d need both Blooming Marsh and Botanical Sanctum, or similar, to pull this off.
Sadly, even if you manage this perfect curve to get Mitotic Ultimus on turn three, they don’t immediately do anything. A two-mana 8/8 is great and all, especially with Trample, but they need another turn to get going. Technically, you could throw Felonious Rage into the mix, but four-color good stuff may be a step too far.
Thankfully, while Ultimus does take some time to get going, they’re useful even if they get removed. Provided they’re not exiled, you’ll get two copies of Mitotic Slime. While this card, first printed in 2011, doesn’t have Trample, it does at least keep eight power on the board. This is still true even if both Mitotic Slimes get removed since they split as well.
Sadly, while Mitotic Ultimus does offer a lot of power and decent survivability, exile effects are fairly prevalent nowadays. Unfortunately, this may seriously hamper the effectiveness of Ultimus, even if you manage to rush it out.
Flawed but Functional
While Mitotic Ultimus does die to removal, so does almost everything else, so we shouldn’t count it out. Even if it doesn’t have an amazing enters ability, this card can still put in work, especially in the right list. Mono Green ramp, for instance, could make great use of this card as a heavy-hitting sustainable threat.
Within such a deck, Ultimus wouldn’t have to be an all-or-nothing turn-three hail mary. Instead, this card can simply do work as more of a mid-game threat that keeps up the deck’s pressure. While this seems all well and good, unfortunately, mono-green isn’t exactly a prevalent archetype in Alchemy right now.
The closest thing Alchemy has to ramp right now is Temur Ramp or Gruul Dinos, but neither of these decks really needs Mitotic Ultimus. For better or worse, it seems we’re long past the days when a decent pile of good mono-green cards was enough to be competitive. Given how aggressive the Alchemy meta has been recently, it’s no wonder this slower midrange-y style hasn’t kept up.
Outside of a typical ramp strategy, you can get a bit silly with this card. If you have a sacrifice outlet, like Dissection Tools you can set up an OTK combo with Terror of the Peaks. Between creating two 4/4s, four 2/2, and eight 1/1s, you can dish out 24 damage in one turn. Pulling this off, however, will be easier said than done.
Thankfully, while Mitotic Ultimus might be a competitive dud, there’s still hope for it in Brawl. Big bodies that keep their stats alive, for cheap no less, will always be useful in the format. Due to their cost-reduction ability, Ultimus could even make for a decent mono-green Commander. That being said, they’re sadly no Aeve, Progenitor Ooze.
Almost Paper Playable
Even if Mitotic Ultimus isn’t the greatest MTG card ever created, players are nonetheless intrigued. As usual, some players, like Random_Tangshan_Guy, have wished to have this card on paper. Sadly, it seems that would be entirely possible as it only needs slight tweaking at best.
As it stands, there are two major problems with printing Mitotic Ultimus on paper. The first of these is the Conjure ability, however, this has already been solved somewhat. While they won’t outright say Conjure, Garth One-Eye is already capable of adding new MTG cards to your deck. As Terrietia points out, this means the rules shouldn’t really have any trouble willing Mitotic Slime into existence.
If that was the problem holding Mitotic Ultimus back, the secondary problem becomes how much text this card needs. Historically, cards like Goldmeadow Lookout have explained what the tokens they create do. If this trend continued, Ultimus would need at minimum 56 words to explain what’s going on.
“This spell costs X less to cast where X is the greatest power among creatures you control.
Trample.
When Mitotic Ultimus dies, create two tokens named Miotic Slime. It has When this creature dies, create two 2/2 green Ooze creature tokens. They have “When this token dies, create two 1/1 green Ooze creature tokens.” “
Once again, however, while this problem seems like a lot on the surface, it’s not even that extreme nowadays. Pia Nalaar, Chief Mechanic, who also creates named tokens, for example, has, at minimum 59 words, and they all fit appropriately. With this in mind, it seems the only problem that Ultimus has is the fact it uses Conjure specifically.
Obviously, since Mitotic Ultimus is basically paper playable, some MTG players may be disappointed by this fact. Alchemy cards, however, wouldn’t exist without the Arena development team. Rather than cutting cards from the main set, these cards are merely extras that wouldn’t have been designed otherwise.
With this in mind, it’s better cards like Mitotic Ultimus than not at all. Who knows, maybe we’ll get a proper printing in Mystery Booster 3.